And I'm super nervous

I received a call today from the Dance Theater of Jacksonville to let me know that my class will be starting tomorrow night.

My first reaction was "Holy cow that is really short notice!" My second reaction was "OMG I don't want to do this anymore!" and my third reaction was "I can do this. I can definitely do this!"

I have to say that I am super happy that I have Allie from My Marine And Me going with me. It always helps to overcome nerves when you have someone going through it with you.

In other news, I have decided to start eating healthier. Since starting work at Sears (about 2 months ago) I have gained 10 lbs. Yes, 10 flipping pounds. Why? How? Well it's simple, my jobs has a ton of down time and I'm a bored eater. The only snacks in our break room is vending machine junk so I've been eating junk for 2 months. It's horrible and I have shamed myself.

BUT I'm not giving up. I am annoyed at all of the downtime that comes with my job. I much prefer a high paced career but this is what I've got. So I will beat the boredom munchies by bringing my own snacks.

I just purchased the Women's Health Wightloss Guide at the store and it's my healthy lifestyle bible. It has fantastic food ideas, meal plans, workouts to get thin, and tons of knowledge and inspiration! It helped me realize I was gaining weight and it was my fault for eating horrible things but it showed me how to fix it.

Seriously, it's the best $10 I've ever spent. Since I started working I stopped running which also didn't help so I need these quick workout ideas to throw into my schedule every day to get back into shape.

I will admit that the Olympics is a great motivator as well. I am so proud of team USA. They make me want to do my best all the time.

Speaking of doing my best and just to make this blog a complete ramble, I start my MBA in like 2 weeks! I think I already mentioned it but I'm so nervous! More excited because I really love school and learning. I'm a huge nerd. But I'm really nervous because it's so expensive so I have to do my best to make it worth it.

Ok, that's my daily, or lately weekly-ish rant.

It's been a while

It's been quite a while but I have been busy/nothing to talk about.

I have been struggling lately. I enjoy my job for the most part but I can't stand that I support a company that I despise. Not Sears, but M&G that we use for our jewelry repairs. They are a horrible company and it makes me sick having to promote them. Plus, I really don't make a lot of money so it barely makes it worth it.

I have been thinking about applying to other jobs and I finally applied to one tonight. I figured if I get it then it's meant to be and I will quit my current job. As for now, we need the extra income even if it's just a pittance to what I could make elsewhere.

Also, I start my MBA at the end of the month! I'm excited and nervous. We just bought a new desk top which I'm hoping will make my school work easier. But really my husband bought it so he can play this ridiculous racing game. I hate video games so I'm not really happy with that. But oh well.

Other than that I don't have much to talk about. My life is hectic but boring. I have been seriously slacking on working out and have gained some weight which also is not a happy thought. I'm falling apart lol. I really need some guidance and motivation.

It's official, sort of

I talked about getting back into dance in my last post. Well it's sort of official! By that I mean Allie called the Dance Theatre of Jacksonville and they gave us a price we can live with ($44 a month). That was the deal sealer for me.
I guess the class wont start until September or so and it will be Tuesday nights. I'm a little bummed that it's only one day a week but you have to start somewhere right?

When I used to dance as a kid I had practice at least 3 times a week so I think that was burned into my brain. But I am lucky enough to have a baby girl who loves to dance so I can just practice every day at home with her :-)

I have to admit that I am super nervous for a couple reasons. First of all, I have no idea what to expect. It's an adult ballet class that is open to anyone. If it's open to everyone I'm assuming it's not going to be unbearably difficult. At least I hope not.

Also, I'm nervous because I don't remember any of the ballet positions. I know a lot of them I just couldn't tell you what position they were. Most of my dance was clogging (or tap) but I always loved ballet more.

I can't wait to go ballet clothes/shoe shopping. Yes, I will find any excuse to buy new shoes but really I just love dance clothes. Leotards are super comfy and ballet shoes just make you feel pretty. I'm not a huge fan of the tights part but I'll deal.

The little girls ballet class has to wear black leotards with pink stockings. I kind of hope they don't make a bunch of adults dress the same. I would like a little freedom even if it just means I can wear a blue leotard instead of black lol. And I prefer to wear shorts over my leotard. I always have so I hope that's allowed.

I hope it all comes back to me. I would love to jump back into it and have a good grasp by the time Abigail is old enough to start ballet class. Not that I want to do a mother daughter class though. I saw a couple of those at my little sisters recital and they look ridiculous. Except one. One was really beautiful. It was a mom who is like a pro at pointe and her daughter. If I get really good at pointe I might consider that.

Anyways, this is super long and dull I'm sure so I'll leave it at that.

Dancing

I used to dance when I was younger. I danced from like 3 yrs old until I was about 12 or something like that. I loved it but sports came into my life and I loved them more.

Now that I'm older I realize how much I miss dancing. I have missed it for a while. I think having volleyball throughout school helped me but now that I have no sport I'm back to missing dance.

Recently a friend and fellow blogger Allie mentioned how she wanted to take an adult ballet class. I immediately jumped at the chance and said I would go with her.

I am really hoping we can find something in the area. I haven't been this excited since my very first dance class. Maybe I can jump back into it and even become a dance teacher one day. (That was my childhood dream. Well to be a prima ballerina but same thing right? haha).

It doesn't help that I'm addicted to So You Think You Can Dance. I know I'll never be that good but I think I need dance in my life again. And Allie is right, it's never too late!

Where are the manners?

Have you read THIS article yet?

It's about a 68 year old woman being brought to tears due to the torments from a group of teenage boys. It broke my heart.

It's so sad to see children acting like this. Especially when they are mistreating people who are their elders. I was taught to respect my elders no matter what. I was also taught manners and values which apparently are absent among many children these days.

I know one thing is for sure. My daughter will grow up knowing how to properly behave and treat people. She will learn respect and know how to use it. We needs to make sure the next generation isn't a bunch of miscreants like these ones.

Plans?

Do you think our lives are mapped out for us? That we have destinies?

I was thinking about this tonight, I believe in destiny, and for some reason Lake Champlain popped into my head.

I remember being in middle school and learning about the lakes and for some reason Lake Champlain made me pause. I don't know why I still remember this but for whatever reason it felt important at that time.

Once I graduated high school and went off to college I went to Champlain College in Burlington, Vermont. It was right on Lake Champlain. I haven't been at Champlain college in 3 years and it's just hitting me now. It was like something was telling me that Lake Champlain was going to be an important part of my life.

Strange right?

Random I know lol. Just wanted to put that out there.

I've been MIA

My life has been pretty blah lately. We just got back from our trip to NY which was incredible. But now I've started my new job. I am so excited to be working but I have to overcome something terribly painful in order to succeed.

Dropping Abigail off at daycare is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The first day she was miserable the entire day. She refused to take a nap and when I went to pick her up, her eyes were red from crying and she just look exhausted. When she saw me she screamed mama! and ran into my arms. That made me feel so much better.

But today I just dropped her off again. This time I dropped her off about 2 hours before I actually needed to. Simply because the first day I dropped her off it was nap time and I think that contributed to her being miserable. So I wanted to get her in there before everyone took a nap. I hope it's for the better because I pay by the hour so it's really cutting my wages in half.

It wasn't any easier letting her go again today. They were outside when I got there and one of the teachers came right up and asked her to come into her arms. She did but she was saying mama and reaching for me. When I went back inside I watched through the window for a couple minutes. It was maybe only a whole minute before she started walking back to the door and asking for me. I felt terrible so I bolted out of the room in a heart beat before she saw me.

How does this get any easier? The only way I can think of it being easier is if my husband drops her off instead of me. He doesn't cry so it wont affect him like it does me. But he goes to work so early that it would never happen. I just hate leaving her with someone other than family. It hurts. It even hurts when I leave her with my mother in law. I just don't like not having her near me.

What doesn't help is that between paying for childcare and working I barely make any contribution to our income so it's barely worth it for me to leave her with someone else.

I know it's good for her to interact with other kids and they have a wonderful program for them. I just feel so guilty that I'm not providing that for her. I'm tearing up just talking about it.

It's just hard. Really hard.