237th Birthday Ball

I know that you have all probably read 100 different posts about the ball so I will leave you with a few facts and pictures.

The facts of the night were...

-Husband choosing the moment the guest speaker took a pause in his speech to pop open his can of beer. I was mortified but every marine laughed.

-I found out the big beautiful cake is mostly cardboard.

-I did not dance once which was good because my dress required me to go commando and I was anxious about a peep show all night.

-I met Urkel. Not really but this guy looked just like him once he's transformed into Stephan. He had a nickname but once I pointed the resemblance out everyone called him Urkel. (He's cool and didn't mind).

-I met a female MGYSGT. Her husband is a GYSGT and is probably the closest to a greek god I have ever seen. She was really beautiful as well and I couldn't help but be jealous of the amazing, god-like couple talking to me.

-My husband ended the night with his head in the toilet. Not exactly how I imagined the ball but I'm sure he and all of the other plastered marines had a great time and that's all that matters.

I can only order prints of our professional picture but I have a couple others to share.

Oh hey I've been gone

So as you can probably tell I am not blogging so often anymore. I hate to say it but I think this chapter in my life has come to a close. I don't get the urge to run to my computer and blog about life anymore. It's probably due to the enormous amount of responsibilities that are in my daily schedule but that's neither here nor there.

I am feeling an urge to update everyone on my recent decisions.
We are exiting the military lifestyle in March of 2013. My husband has decided to become a police officer and he has been offered conditional employment by the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police Department. Therefore we will be moving to Charlotte (or a nearby town) very soon.

I'm excited about the move but the transition makes me want to throw up. He won't start the academy until June it looks like so for 3 months he won't be employed. That means I don't have a lot of time to search for employment. Unfortunately this stresses me out to no end.

I am almost done with my first semester of my MBA and will soon begin my second. I take 2 twelve week classes at a time and they are back to back. Thankfully I do not ever feel overwhelmed but I do stay quite busy.

Unfortunately simply being enrolled in my MBA program does not mean I am anymore qualified for certain positions than only having my bachelors degree. It's a little disconcerting but I know eventually I will complete the MBA program and then hopefully it will advance my career, should I be lucky enough to find the right company in the near future.

As far as leaving the military goes I am on the fence. I think it's ridiculously foolish to give up a job in this economy especially one that leads to such great retirement benefits. But I know my husband is unhappy and it is easier knowing he already has a career lined up. That is if I can take the reins on my stallion of a husband and make him stick with this new career.

I find myself wondering if I could be in the military. The answer always leads to if I didn't have Abigail. I would never be able to leave her for the length of time I know would be required of me. My husband is a much stronger person than I could ever pretend to be. Although it would be delightful to feel important in a career for once in my life.

I desperately want to find my purpose in life. Professionally that is. I hate settling for work that I would be accepted for without any college education. I have earned my degrees and should be able to use them. I'm very hopeful for Charlotte and yet dreading it at the same time.

I suppose maybe I did need to vent on here a little bit.
I am on here nearly every day reading all of the blogs I follow. I just haven't written in a while. I'm not saying goodbye forever I'm just officially stating that I probably won't be keeping up with posts on a regular basis like I used to.

Well Hello Again

I know, I know. It's been way too long. I can't even remember the last time I was on here. Life has been crazy and stressful lately so I've neglected my blog.

I'm back because I have to write out some stress and frustration.

My husband has decided to get out of the military. He is officially done in March. He has a conditional offer of employment with the Charlotte-Mecklenburg police department. He just has to pass the polygraph I believe and he will be accepted into the academy. This is awesome news because until this I had no idea what our future was looking like and I'm not comfortable being that blind.

There are a couple huge obstacles we have to work through though. First, as of right now the academy doesn't start until June of 2013. So that means he will be without work for 3 months. That puts a lot of pressure on me to be able to financially support us during that time.

So the second obstacle is that I need to find a job in Charlotte relatively soon. I would transition my job with Sears out there but I don't make enough to be able to cover rent and bills all by myself. So I need to put my degree to use and hopefully find a finically supportive career. It has been the goal all along obviously but when you put a time limit on the search it becomes a lot more stressful.

The third obstacle is going to be convincing my husband that we need to rent for at least the first 6 months. He wants to buy a house right away but in order for my income to be on the loan I would have to either be transferring my job to Charlotte or have been working in the area for at least 30 days. He thinks I should go out there by myself in January to start working and live with my aunt and uncle until he can join me. I have absolutely put my foot down on this. Renting is our only option and I don't see why he doesn't see that. I refuse to leave my daughter for that amount of time and I think it is just too big of a decision to make so quickly. Plus it puts a lot more stress on us that is unnecessary.

On a positive note, I finally got my NC license. Third times the charm I guess.

I am so stressed. I have no idea how people transition out of the military smoothly. I feel like we are about to be jobless and homeless.

Advice?

The Ball!

Our Marine Corps Birthday Ball is just over 3 months away. This year it's November 20th. We are yet to make it to one of my husband's balls in the 3 1/2 years he has been in. So this one has be be perfect because we might not get another.

One thing that I am super thankful for is that I already have my gown. I showed it before. It makes it really easy and motivates me to keep in shape. I know what I have to fit into and I can continuously try it on to make sure it works.

I can't believe it's the second half of the year already. My husband's military career could be over at the beginning of next year so it's a crazy thought.

But here's to the beginnings of ball preparation!

And I'm super nervous

I received a call today from the Dance Theater of Jacksonville to let me know that my class will be starting tomorrow night.

My first reaction was "Holy cow that is really short notice!" My second reaction was "OMG I don't want to do this anymore!" and my third reaction was "I can do this. I can definitely do this!"

I have to say that I am super happy that I have Allie from My Marine And Me going with me. It always helps to overcome nerves when you have someone going through it with you.

In other news, I have decided to start eating healthier. Since starting work at Sears (about 2 months ago) I have gained 10 lbs. Yes, 10 flipping pounds. Why? How? Well it's simple, my jobs has a ton of down time and I'm a bored eater. The only snacks in our break room is vending machine junk so I've been eating junk for 2 months. It's horrible and I have shamed myself.

BUT I'm not giving up. I am annoyed at all of the downtime that comes with my job. I much prefer a high paced career but this is what I've got. So I will beat the boredom munchies by bringing my own snacks.

I just purchased the Women's Health Wightloss Guide at the store and it's my healthy lifestyle bible. It has fantastic food ideas, meal plans, workouts to get thin, and tons of knowledge and inspiration! It helped me realize I was gaining weight and it was my fault for eating horrible things but it showed me how to fix it.

Seriously, it's the best $10 I've ever spent. Since I started working I stopped running which also didn't help so I need these quick workout ideas to throw into my schedule every day to get back into shape.

I will admit that the Olympics is a great motivator as well. I am so proud of team USA. They make me want to do my best all the time.

Speaking of doing my best and just to make this blog a complete ramble, I start my MBA in like 2 weeks! I think I already mentioned it but I'm so nervous! More excited because I really love school and learning. I'm a huge nerd. But I'm really nervous because it's so expensive so I have to do my best to make it worth it.

Ok, that's my daily, or lately weekly-ish rant.

It's been a while

It's been quite a while but I have been busy/nothing to talk about.

I have been struggling lately. I enjoy my job for the most part but I can't stand that I support a company that I despise. Not Sears, but M&G that we use for our jewelry repairs. They are a horrible company and it makes me sick having to promote them. Plus, I really don't make a lot of money so it barely makes it worth it.

I have been thinking about applying to other jobs and I finally applied to one tonight. I figured if I get it then it's meant to be and I will quit my current job. As for now, we need the extra income even if it's just a pittance to what I could make elsewhere.

Also, I start my MBA at the end of the month! I'm excited and nervous. We just bought a new desk top which I'm hoping will make my school work easier. But really my husband bought it so he can play this ridiculous racing game. I hate video games so I'm not really happy with that. But oh well.

Other than that I don't have much to talk about. My life is hectic but boring. I have been seriously slacking on working out and have gained some weight which also is not a happy thought. I'm falling apart lol. I really need some guidance and motivation.

It's official, sort of

I talked about getting back into dance in my last post. Well it's sort of official! By that I mean Allie called the Dance Theatre of Jacksonville and they gave us a price we can live with ($44 a month). That was the deal sealer for me.
I guess the class wont start until September or so and it will be Tuesday nights. I'm a little bummed that it's only one day a week but you have to start somewhere right?

When I used to dance as a kid I had practice at least 3 times a week so I think that was burned into my brain. But I am lucky enough to have a baby girl who loves to dance so I can just practice every day at home with her :-)

I have to admit that I am super nervous for a couple reasons. First of all, I have no idea what to expect. It's an adult ballet class that is open to anyone. If it's open to everyone I'm assuming it's not going to be unbearably difficult. At least I hope not.

Also, I'm nervous because I don't remember any of the ballet positions. I know a lot of them I just couldn't tell you what position they were. Most of my dance was clogging (or tap) but I always loved ballet more.

I can't wait to go ballet clothes/shoe shopping. Yes, I will find any excuse to buy new shoes but really I just love dance clothes. Leotards are super comfy and ballet shoes just make you feel pretty. I'm not a huge fan of the tights part but I'll deal.

The little girls ballet class has to wear black leotards with pink stockings. I kind of hope they don't make a bunch of adults dress the same. I would like a little freedom even if it just means I can wear a blue leotard instead of black lol. And I prefer to wear shorts over my leotard. I always have so I hope that's allowed.

I hope it all comes back to me. I would love to jump back into it and have a good grasp by the time Abigail is old enough to start ballet class. Not that I want to do a mother daughter class though. I saw a couple of those at my little sisters recital and they look ridiculous. Except one. One was really beautiful. It was a mom who is like a pro at pointe and her daughter. If I get really good at pointe I might consider that.

Anyways, this is super long and dull I'm sure so I'll leave it at that.

Dancing

I used to dance when I was younger. I danced from like 3 yrs old until I was about 12 or something like that. I loved it but sports came into my life and I loved them more.

Now that I'm older I realize how much I miss dancing. I have missed it for a while. I think having volleyball throughout school helped me but now that I have no sport I'm back to missing dance.

Recently a friend and fellow blogger Allie mentioned how she wanted to take an adult ballet class. I immediately jumped at the chance and said I would go with her.

I am really hoping we can find something in the area. I haven't been this excited since my very first dance class. Maybe I can jump back into it and even become a dance teacher one day. (That was my childhood dream. Well to be a prima ballerina but same thing right? haha).

It doesn't help that I'm addicted to So You Think You Can Dance. I know I'll never be that good but I think I need dance in my life again. And Allie is right, it's never too late!

Where are the manners?

Have you read THIS article yet?

It's about a 68 year old woman being brought to tears due to the torments from a group of teenage boys. It broke my heart.

It's so sad to see children acting like this. Especially when they are mistreating people who are their elders. I was taught to respect my elders no matter what. I was also taught manners and values which apparently are absent among many children these days.

I know one thing is for sure. My daughter will grow up knowing how to properly behave and treat people. She will learn respect and know how to use it. We needs to make sure the next generation isn't a bunch of miscreants like these ones.

Plans?

Do you think our lives are mapped out for us? That we have destinies?

I was thinking about this tonight, I believe in destiny, and for some reason Lake Champlain popped into my head.

I remember being in middle school and learning about the lakes and for some reason Lake Champlain made me pause. I don't know why I still remember this but for whatever reason it felt important at that time.

Once I graduated high school and went off to college I went to Champlain College in Burlington, Vermont. It was right on Lake Champlain. I haven't been at Champlain college in 3 years and it's just hitting me now. It was like something was telling me that Lake Champlain was going to be an important part of my life.

Strange right?

Random I know lol. Just wanted to put that out there.

I've been MIA

My life has been pretty blah lately. We just got back from our trip to NY which was incredible. But now I've started my new job. I am so excited to be working but I have to overcome something terribly painful in order to succeed.

Dropping Abigail off at daycare is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The first day she was miserable the entire day. She refused to take a nap and when I went to pick her up, her eyes were red from crying and she just look exhausted. When she saw me she screamed mama! and ran into my arms. That made me feel so much better.

But today I just dropped her off again. This time I dropped her off about 2 hours before I actually needed to. Simply because the first day I dropped her off it was nap time and I think that contributed to her being miserable. So I wanted to get her in there before everyone took a nap. I hope it's for the better because I pay by the hour so it's really cutting my wages in half.

It wasn't any easier letting her go again today. They were outside when I got there and one of the teachers came right up and asked her to come into her arms. She did but she was saying mama and reaching for me. When I went back inside I watched through the window for a couple minutes. It was maybe only a whole minute before she started walking back to the door and asking for me. I felt terrible so I bolted out of the room in a heart beat before she saw me.

How does this get any easier? The only way I can think of it being easier is if my husband drops her off instead of me. He doesn't cry so it wont affect him like it does me. But he goes to work so early that it would never happen. I just hate leaving her with someone other than family. It hurts. It even hurts when I leave her with my mother in law. I just don't like not having her near me.

What doesn't help is that between paying for childcare and working I barely make any contribution to our income so it's barely worth it for me to leave her with someone else.

I know it's good for her to interact with other kids and they have a wonderful program for them. I just feel so guilty that I'm not providing that for her. I'm tearing up just talking about it.

It's just hard. Really hard.

I DID IT!!!

I just submitted my final assignment as an undergraduate! I know it's not official that I am a graduate or anything but since I have an A average I can fail this last assignment and still pass (I believe) so yay!!

I am still nervous because I want my 4.0 but I am so relieved to be done, finally!!

I took a year off but still ended up graduating college the same semester as my high school graduating class so that feels pretty awesome. Especially since in the last 2 1/2 years I have gotten married, had a baby, and moved about 3 times.

I have moved into a new level in my life. I understand how hard goals are but that nothing is impossible if you have the will and support.

Now I get to enjoy my summer until I start my master's in the fall. Oh boy!

My Marine and Me Giveaway!!!

One of my favorite Bloggers, Allie, over at My Marine and Me is hosting a giveaway!

Now I am only posting this because I want the ship to shore dress super badly, not because I want a bunch of my followers to go enter and make me lose! haha. But I do want you to go follow Allie's blog. I promise you wont regret it she's fantastic!

Here's the link!

http://mymarineandme.blogspot.com/2012/05/eshakti-give-away.html

Stay in or get out?

Those of you who read this know that our minds have changed a million times on whether my husband should stay in the Marines or get out. For almost 6 months the decision has been getting out. Recently we changed our mind.

I say we because my husband is the sweetest man in the world and wont make this decision without me.

I'm not sure why, but my gut feeling is that my husband should stay in. I'm not sure if it's because I'm nervous for him to give up a steady paycheck in this economy. Or maybe because the military lifestyle has become our lifestyle and I'm scared of what life is like once we leave it.

I know that separations are horrible but getting 96's for major holidays are great. My husband having 30 days of leave a year to use is great. Not a lot of civilian jobs allow that.

For me, it comes down to my gut. I always try to listen to it and it's very strongly saying reenlist. Which is crazy I know. I mean what wife would chose deployments? Especially when we have a child. I have no idea. I guess I'm nuts.

Maybe it's the high paced life and adventure? I hate moving but the idea of getting to be in different parts of the country is pretty amazing.

Has anyone gone through this and can help us with a decision? I know my husband is struggling because he hates being away from us as much as we hate having him leave. But I know there is a part of him that wants to stay in. Any advice would be awesome.

Maybe one of your husbands was on the fence about reenlisting too and can help with feelings after choosing to reenlist? Or those who were on the fence and got out's feelings as well. I know it all comes down to whats best for us but we could use some experience.

My Pinterest Project

I have made countless recipes from Pinterest but I hadn't done an artsy craft yet. So I decided to paint my kitchen aid :-)

My step mom had given me her amazing Kitchen Aid before I moved to North Carolina. I have wanted one forever but they are so expensive! So needless to say I was overjoyed.

It worked beautifully and made my baking so much easier. There was only one problem with it. It matched all of the other appliances in my kitchen. And by that I mean it was white. I'm the kind of girl who likes color and my kitchen scheme is red so I decided it was time to beautify my favorite appliance.

Before it looked like this

(Sorry for the professional picture. I forgot to snap one before I took it apart). 

I took the top off and found all of these wires and such.

I had to completely take it apart because I have a drop bowl style and not the one where the head tilts. The arms on mine slide up and down which makes it hard to paint. So I decided to take all of the pieces out and paint them separately. It was hell. I used a cheap spray paint at first and it looked horrible. I told my husband and he came to my rescue. He bought a new spray paint and did the rest of the coats for me. We had to sand them down after my coat. Then we had to wash them because birds pooped on them. And then we had to sand them again. And finally we got a solid coat that was the right color and it turned out like this...

The color is PERFECT!! My kitchen scheme is red so she looks amazing and adds just the right amount of pop. 

Here she is complete with her bowl. I just love her to pieces!!

Holy Glimmer of Hope!!!

I am so extremely excited at this exact moment. My last post was me being super bummed about my diminishing possibility of becoming a medical sonographer. But this one is about my glimmer of hope!!

Cape Fear community college has an accredited program that I already meet 99.9% of the requirements for admission!! I would only have to take one or 2 classes and an assessment test and I could apply! Applications start in November so I could take those classes over the summer (maybe) and the assessment test is done right at the college so no biggy.

I already have the majority of the extra bonus points racked up I would just need to take some extra classes to boost my position. I am smiling from ear to ear right now.

But there is one huge problem. We have plans of moving to Charlotte, NC once Jon gets out. He is currently applying to their police academy so that's our plan. In order for me to apply and hopefully be accepted to this program we would have to stay around here for another 2 years until I completed it.

I want SOOOOO badly to do this. My heart and soul knows this is what I'm supposed to do and now I feel like it's almost in my grasp. I have to somehow convince Jon that we need to stay here so I can have a chance at this opportunity. But I feel selfish for even thinking that.

My heart is filled with hope and excitement but my mind is reminding me of the obstacle that is my husband's eas date and future career moves.

My backup plan is getting my MBA. I literally just applied for acceptance with my college for the MBA program online. I'm confident I could do both at the same time since my MBA would be online so scheduling wouldn't interfere. But I would put off my MBA if I got the opportunity to do the sonography program if I had to.

This day has been a roller coaster of emotions and plans. No matter what I do, I have to get the ball rolling asap.

Stress Vent

Why, at 17 or 18 years old, are we given the responsibility of choosing a career path? Just last year, 21, I decided what I really wanted to do as a profession and now it seems impossible.

Maybe it's a bit of an exaggeration. The real complication is that I chose the wrong degree path and now that's proving to be a huge complication in my plans of becoming a diagnostic medical sonographer. I have been looking up the requirements for admissions into the program out in Charlotte and my jaw hasn't come off the floor since.

I have my bachelor's degree, or at least in 2 weeks I will, so I have a lot of the prerequisite courses completed, but not all. I would still have to take basic anatomy and a physiology class. On top of that I have to take the TEAS exam, be certified in a patient care related field (such as an EMT or nursing), and complete a sonography shadowing class. On top of that they give out extra brownie points for applicants that have completed diagnostic medical sonography one and two and Pathophysiology. 30 pts for an A, 20 pts for a B and 10 pts for a C. Then extra 10 pts for people who have completed 6 months in a paid patient health field.

So yea, that's a lot to complete before applying. The application dead line for Fall 2013 is January 31, 2013. So basically I wouldn't be able to apply in time since there is no possible way I can complete those extra courses, get certified for emt or other related field (unless cpr counts because I've already got that), and take the TEAS before January 31. Not to mention pack and move while trying to find a job in Charlotte. It's all so heavy.

If I had just realized that this was what I wanted to do 4 years ago I would have started college in a health field instead of business and I would be set. Now with the amount of requirements, which in reality are totally doable just not in the allotted amount of time, I'm afraid it's going to take me forever if possible at all.

I know I can't really complain. It's not like I'm uneducated. I have completed my bachelor's degree which is great. I'm just really bummed that I can't do what I know I would love.

If I didn't feel like I had to work in order to make our family comfortable then I would be applying to take those classes already. But unfortunately in this economy it's important that both my husband and I work so that we can afford to purchase a house at the end of this year and move out to Charlotte.

I'll figure this out though. I am not giving up. Just jumping repetitive hurdles.

Happy Mother's Day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I can't help but get all emotional.

I am blessed to have a handful of wonderful moms in my life. My mother is one of the most compassionate, loving people I have ever met and I wouldn't be who I am today without her. She always pushed me to be who I am and say how I feel and I owe my self esteem to her.

I was lucky enough to marry an incredible man with an incredible mom. My mother in law is my daily inspiration and strength. Every day I am getting a little more patient, a little more loving, and becoming a much better person. All because I want to live my life as beautifully as my mother in law lives hers.

My parents are divorced which statistics show is not a positive circumstance, especially for the children. But in my case I have been blessed with an incredible step mother. She opened her heart to me and really helped define my character. She's an incredible role model and one of the reasons I push myself so hard with my education.

I also need to mention my grandmother, Ooma. I have the best grandmother in the entire world. A lot of people don't understand her but I do because we are one in the same. We're hard headed and opinionated but that's not a bad thing. She will be the first to give you the shirt off her back and shoes off her feet if you needed them. I hate living so far away from her because if I could I would hang out with her all day long even if we just sat there discussing the weather. I love my Ooma with a huge part of my heart.

It really takes having a child and becoming a mother to truly understand how a mother feels. Just the thought of my daughter brings a smile to my face. My day isn't complete until I've kissed her a million times. My heart swells into my throat when I try to explain how much I love this little girl. I would do absolutely anything for her. She is my whole world and with that thought I realize why I have such amazing moms and grandmoms, they would all do absolutely anything for the ones they love. It's a mom thing.

Thank you Facebook

It's been quite obvious that I hate Facebook. It's an addiction and makes me waste my time. BUT today Facebook might have just solved one of my problems.

Almost 2 years ago I got a new cell phone number. Ever since then and even recently as in today, I have been getting texts and calls asking for Jake. Today I got a pic text of a magazine subscription. Really? You haven't talked to Jake in 2 years and that's the first thing you send?

Anyways, my husband had a brilliant idea. He thought that maybe my number was linked to Jake's facebook page. So I check it out and BAM!! It was!!

I was staring at Jake's FB page. Really strange to finally put a face to the name I've been accused of being for almost 2 years.

Any who, I messaged him asking him to take my number off of his account. With any luck he will be a gentleman and do it. If not then I can play dirty too Dolphin lover!! (His work says he's a dolphin trainer at sea world"). Yea, facebook makes people creepy.

I guess if facebook didn't exist though then I wouldn't have had this problem in the first place. So I still stand by my statement of hating facebook. Even though I'm addicted, yet slowly quitting I might add!

MIA

Woah it's been quite some time since I have been on here. Well actually I log in at least once a day and read everyone's blogs but I haven't written one myself in a while. I've been on overload with this class and the amount of work it takes. Plus catching up on all my dvr'd shows of course... haha.

Anyways, I'm super excited for this month to be half over with. Memorial day is coming up at the end of May and we are headed back to NY for our family reunion and a friend's wedding. I love going to weddings. It's crazy selfish that one reason is I get to dress up and look nice but that doesn't happen too often in this household so I can't help it. But I also love them because they're sooooo romantic!! I just love romance.

And of course our family reunion is going to be awesome. It's Jon's side of the family and I have been to more of them since he's been in the Marines than he has. In the past 3 years I have been to 2 of them and Jon has been to zip. Although he swears we have gone to one together I'm not sure. I have a horrible memory if you didn't know. I'm not talking oh she can't remember to buy the milk I'm talking I don't remember a good amount of my life until it's brought up and thought about for a while if at all. It's kinda strange but I think it's due to a crazy concussion a couple years ago. But anyways, the reuinion. We are finally making it to one together (even though Jon thinks we already have)! I'm sooo excited!

Plus to top it all off we get to spend 10 days with our family. I miss my Ooma (grandma) sooo much. We are staying with her so I'm sooo excited to spend some time with her. Maybe some kyaking and definitely some cooking. And then my incredible in-laws! I am so lucky because for some odd reason a lot of people don't like their spouses family but I LOVE mine. They are such amazing people and always make me laugh and happy! I miss them sooo much.

I also get to see my dad and step mom. I just got to see them at Myrtle over Spring break but it's not fair because it was only a couple days so I'm looking forward to some more time with them.

And the best part?? I finish my class the first couple days of June!!! So we will be heading up there and while I'm enjoying my week + up there I will also be enjoying the fact that I will be graduating college!! Woo hoo!!!

Ok, that's a huge update for now.
Here's a picture of our monkey girl<3

Alone time

How important is "alone time" in a marriage? By alone time I mean any time away from your spouse. I had an "alone" day today since my husband won't be home until very early morning but I was with Abigail all day so technically I wasn't alone. More so, girl and/or guy time.
In the movies guys have one night a week they get together to shoot the shit, drink some beers, and play poker. Are we supposed to take the time to be away from one another?

Jon and I have brought this up a couple times. I'm not sure if it's just the military speaking or if we are strange but we really like being together. All the time. 24/7. We have been together for almost 5 years now and we aren't sick of each other at all.

I can honestly say that I can spend every second of every day with my husband and still kiss him goodnight with a smile on my face. Is this strange? Does it have a ticking time bomb strapped to it? I don't know. All I know is that people are constantly telling me that it's their definition of healthy to designate time to themselves and/or with their friends.

I will admit that I feel awful when the girls are all getting together for dinner and I decline because it's a night that my husband is home and I don't want to leave him. But that's the military wife in me. It physically sickens me to purposely take time away from my husband. I just feel guilty for doing it. We went a year without one another and even before his deployment we would go months at a time without one another so it seems like I'm unappreciative of our time together.

I know that some girls get pretty annoyed by this. I can't blame them. I mean who wants to be scheduled in only when my husband isn't home so they can feel clearly inferior?

I wonder if this feeling will go away once he get's out? Am I seriously the only one or are you all just holding back on me?

Although I do have to admit, I really enjoy time away from my mommy duties. I think about her the entire time and I feel horrible about leaving her but the freedom I feel is incredible.

Procrastination

I always find myself waiting until the last minute to write papers for college. I'm so organized and on top of everything else in my life. If I have a trip I mentally pack weeks in advance. Oh...I just figured it out. Because I hate writing papers. Who is going to chose to do something they hate when they have time to do something else? Not me.

Thankfully I work really well under pressure. I actually did all of the required readings ahead of time and took the necessary notes so that writing the paper was simple. If I had to do all of the readings too I never would have finished let alone presented a reasonable excuse for a paper.

But anyways, I just wanted to once again vent on my hatred for academic papers.

EAS

Jon's regular EAS date isn't until March of 2013. But it has recently been brought to his attention that there is a 6 month early out program offered to marines who have a job or schooling lined up and would need to get out early in order to take those opportunities.

Six months early for Jon would be September. He has recently been considering becoming a police officer. There are openings in Charlotte which is where we planned to move next. If he can get accepted into the classes then he will getting out in September. Like holy cow. That's so soon.

Thankfully I will be done with my bachelor's the first week of June but looking into jobs possibilities has left me falling short without my master's. Thankfully there will be enough time between now and September for Jon to become a police officer and therefore get a job before we move. That takes the stress off of me to rush into a job that can support the family and allow me to take my time and grow within a company.

It's all coming so fast but it's exciting. I'm definitely a lot less stressed now. I'm hoping this can all happen.

I need to Vent

Warning: this is just a vent session. If you don't want to waste your time don't read any further.

I have started my last undergraduate class yesterday. It's nothing like the rest of them. All of my other online classes were 4 weeks at a time. This one is 12. That's a huge transition when I've been doing 4 week intervals for about a year now. The difference being it's 3 classes in one. All of my other classes were group discussions, reading assignments, and then either a weekly assessment or once for the whole class. There were hardly any papers and the only in depth written assignments were the discussions and a journal for each class which was the same 3 questions pertaining to each class.

This new class requires a 1,000 word paper each week as well as a ton of reading assignments and the discussion board. It doesn't look like there are any tests though which is a plus. The biggest negative of all though? I have to do 5 weeks of volunteer work and write yet another paper on it. I probably just sounded like a huge ass referring to volunteer work as a negative but let me explain.

This class has screwed up my plan for this year. I had a plan to get a job so that we can save all of the money I make to put towards our move and a new house. Now that I have a glimpse of what this class is going to demand of me work seems impossible. If I didn't have a daughter, totally doable. But she makes it impossible to get anything done as long as she is awake so that leaves me maybe 2 hours (non consecutive) during the day, after about 8 or 9pm, and some time on the weekends if Jon decides to babysit to get things accomplished. If I add a job into that schedule I am eliminating the 2 hours during the day, possibly weekend days all together depending on the job, and slimming down the amount of time I'll be able to stay awake at night to do things. So where would volunteer work fit in? I would have to give up the idea of working all together. Unless I found a job that didn't require weekends which would then allow me to spend 5 weekends volunteering instead of with my family or doing classwork or making money. You see my dilemma?

All I can think about right now is that I need more hours and less kid during the day. This is the reason why people finish their degrees before they get married and have children. Because life gets complicated after that. And the worst part? This is my bachelor's degree. Not even my masters. I feel like you can't do anything unless you have a master's these days. Jon is planning on EASing in February. He has a technical degree so he has to go back to school leaving me to be the sole income provider minus the housing allowance while he is in school. That means I have to get a pretty damn good job with benefits. So I will have to continue and get my master's too.

Want to hear the actual worst part? I don't even like what I'm getting my degree in. Which is business by the way. I know what I want to do and that's become a sonographer so I can do ultrasounds. I can't do that without an associates in it which I can't do online. I can once I get to Charlotte but Jon is going back to school first.

I seriously want to bash my head against a wall. I feel like I like in this ridiculous maze or something. No matter which route looks good it leads no where.

I'm stressed out, scared, and nervous. I've already cried but I still feel like I'm one more obstacle from my breaking point. I need a break.

It's been a year!

Today is Abigail's birthday!! She is a one year old! Where did the time go?
I'm going to admit that I didn't make a huge deal out of her birthday today. We had a party when Jon's family was down for his homecoming and she didn't care for it so I wasn't going out of my way to do it again. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even like cake anyways.
I did buy her a ton of new clothes yesterday though so presents were still there.
We just got back from vacation yesterday so honestly, mommy and daddy are exhausted. Actually I should probably catch you up on the past week.

We took a trip to Florida. We left last Thursday and got home last night. We went to the Florida zoo and aquarium with Abigail. She honestly didn't seem to care much for either. I think we hit them at nap time though so she had exhaustion against her. But she had enough energy to refuse to sit down in her stroller and insist on standing backwards in it.

I don't think I even have any pictures of the aquarium to show you. 

On Sunday Jon and his uncle headed to Daytona for the race. It got rained out but they were still there all day. Unfortunately his uncle had to work on Monday so I got to go with him. It was my first Nascar race ever. I've been to dirt track races but nothing this big. Of course we got there at 10 am, it got postponed until 7 pm and didn't get over with until about 1 am. So we were there for like 15 hours. But I will admit that I had a lot of fun even though it took so long. 

Here's proof.

Jon and me

My new Dale Jr swag. 

The next day we drove to Myrtle Beach to meet my mom who moved down there. We got there a day before her so we pretty much just went to sleep since we were exhausted. The next morning we moved my mom in and hung out for a bit. Yesterday we did some shopping and then headed home. It's never felt so good to be home I can tell you that. 

And now it's Abigail's first birthday. An entire year has gone by. Jon is home from this deployment and I should be able to relax right? Wrong. I still have this constant on edge, worried, stressed feeling like I did this whole year. I'm hoping once Jon gets the hang on being a dad and a semi normal human again that I will relax. 

But regardless it's been an entire year and I'm still trying to grasp that concept. Thanks for listening and all of the love and support. You helped me get through this and I'm forever grateful. 

To send you off here's a picture of the birthday girl <3

Muahaha, sort of

First of all, MUAHAHAHAHAHA the race was canceled!

Secondly, I may have agreed to go with him tomorrow since it got rescheduled to then.

Right about now you are probably shaking your head and calling me a hypocrite. Don't worry I don't blame you. Let me tell you the story of how we got here.

I was doing my pout and ignore routine for when I'm mad at him. He text me on his way to the race asking me when I was going to stop hating him. We talked it out for a bit. He explained that he feels overwhelmed being home because he feels like I am expecting him to immediately be a perfect full time dad. He has been a little confused and absent lately which explains it. He has lost his keys at least 5 times since he's been home. He NEVER loses things.

I should have realized that it was going to be a huge culture shock coming home to a baby and all of his family but I was too focused on not being a single mom anymore and jumping into being a family that I didn't focus enough on him. In my defense though, he never once led on that he was struggling until he explained everything today.

He played the 4 hours of video games because he didn't have to think he could just unwind and de-stress. Which I can't blame him for that. I do feel bad.

So now we are here with me going to the race tomorrow. It's my peace offering and outreach. If he needs time to not think and just relax then I want to be there with him. He loves nascar. He used to work in Nascar so it really is a part of who he is and I need to accept that. And hey, if I learn to like it then that's just more time we get to spend together instead of me running into another room.

And a plus side? No baby for the day. It's just going to be the two of us which we haven't had in a year. So I can't help but be excited.

Reintegration is a struggle after all. I didn't think we would have to worry about it but I need to be patient.

Frustration

I don't know what is wrong with me. I am extremely pissed off at my husband right now. Let me explain.
We are in Florida right now. The trip started out to see his father and introduce him to Abigail. Then it turned into Nascar over load which is partially my fault. His uncle offered him a ticket to Daytona Sunday. I said he should definitely go since it's a great opportunity and a good way to welcome him home. When I said that I thought it was going to be like a 4 hour trip total. Turns out Daytona is 4 hours from Tampa where we are visiting. So it's 4 hours there, probably 4 hours or so for the race, and then 4 hours back. So that is an entire day away from each other.

I think I'm so pissed because I just got him back and now I have to let him go for a whole day. Which in retrospect is nothing but it feels like eternity right now. To top that off he spent 4 hours last night playing some stupid nascar racing game with his uncle instead of spending time with Abigail.

Then today we had the house to ourselves and Abigail was napping and instead of spending some time with me he turned on a nascar race. I mean seriously, how many friggin races are there in one weekend? It's ridiculous and I hate Nascar so much.

I thought this trip was going to be a nice vacation for us but I haven't stopped being pissed and miserable the entire time. We went to the zoo today but I couldn't enjoy myself because I was still pissed about the 4 hour video game playing last night. I hate that I am letting myself be so pissed but I am.

Tomorrow is going to be horrible. I want to enjoy myself but just the thought of him being gone all day at some stupid race while I play single mommy again infuriates me.

I hope I can chill out but it seems highly unlikely at this point.

Work

I really need to find a job. I've applied to a couple things but no response. I would love to get a job on base so that commuting would be easy with Abigail going to daycare on base. I applied to a job on base but I got a letter back saying I didn't get it because I didn't supply all of the necessary information. I don't know what else they wanted. Applying to on base jobs gives me ulcers. It's all so confusing. No other jobs ask me for KSA's. They obviously know they are confusing because they offer a class on understanding the KSA's better.
I applied to another tonight and as I'm typing this I realized I didn't send my letter of reference. Darn it!

I'm so frustrated with all of this. I have my bachelor's degree (well I will in like 3 months) and I can't get an entry level no degree mandatory job. I mean come on. I just want to get out of my house, make some money, and prove my worth!! Is that so much to ask for?

It's making me really nervous for next year/end of this year possibly, when I have to get a big girl career in Charlotte and be the sole money maker for my family. Like, really nervous. Sweat'n bullets sorta.

I need prayers.

HE"S HOME!!!

I went to bed at 9:45 pm Friday night thinking I had to be up at 4 am in order to be ready and on base by 6 for Jon to arrive at 8. I wake up at 11:15 ish to a text message from Jon saying I've landed in Cherry Point. After taking a second to put it all together I finally jumped out of bed at the realization that he was 4 hours early!!!

I still hadn't gotten an official update but I didn't hesitate to call and wake everyone up telling them to get ready and get here asap. We all got to base around 1 am. We got coffee and waited around for a couple hours. at about 3:45 we all got out of our cars and stood waiting. Jon text me to let me know he had left the armory and my heart dropped.

3 minutes later the buses were pulling into the parking lot.

They started unloading and I was staring at the first 2 buses looking for him. I couldn't see him anywhere!!

I turned around and guess who was standing there?!!

His first words to me? "Who are you looking for?" LOL

Then we posed for our first photo back together. 

He likes to make photos almost perfect. 

Then we handed Abigail over. 

And well here's the rest!

Welcome Home papa bear!!!