My nana passed away just a few days ago. She was 87. She was my great grandmother so my daughter's great great grandmother. Before she died she asked for Abigail. When I brought her to see her Abigail reached right out for her and held her hand. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Nana perked right up and spoke so clearly to her. Something she hadn't been able to do for a while.
I unfortunately wasn't incredibly close with my nana. I mean that in the fact that I didn't spend enough time with her. She only lived down the street so I should have been there at least once a day, but I wasn't.
For this reason her death wasn't what hurt the most. What really broke me apart was watching my grandmother watch her mother die. Ooma (what I call my grandmother) is an extremely important part of my life. I love her beyond words and since I've been home we have barely spent a day apart.
When I watched my cousins and my mom cry because of my nana's death I realized that they were in so much more pain than I was. They were closer with her than I was. She was their grandmother.
You don't know my Ooma but let me tell you something about her. She's tough. She's the strongest person I know. She has lived a hard life and still the only time I have ever seen her cry is when I moved to NC or she had to leave my house and say goodbye.
So when I answered her phone call and heard the words she's gone from a voice full of tears and heartbreak I couldn't help but break down.
I never want to feel the heartbreak of losing someone irreplaceable from your life. Going through this deployment I have obviously thought about the worst outcome. It makes my heart tighten up and brings tears to my eyes. Then having to grieve the loss of my nana and realize that my grandmother wouldn't really live forever really made death hit home.
I know that she is in heaven. I know that we have to let our loved ones go. But damn it's such a hard realization that you only get so much time with the ones you love.
3 comments:
This post made me tear up!! I'm sorry to hear about your great grandmother. :( It's extremely hard when you realize that the people you love won't always be there forever. It really makes you realize you can't take a day for granted because you never know the last time you will see someone! I surely didn't think I'd lose my mom when I was 19. It's made me rethink a lot of my life!! I'm praying for you and your family during this time!!
Praying for you and your family sweetheart! If you need anything let me know.
Oh hun I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy to go through something like that. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers.
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