I need to Vent

Warning: this is just a vent session. If you don't want to waste your time don't read any further.

I have started my last undergraduate class yesterday. It's nothing like the rest of them. All of my other online classes were 4 weeks at a time. This one is 12. That's a huge transition when I've been doing 4 week intervals for about a year now. The difference being it's 3 classes in one. All of my other classes were group discussions, reading assignments, and then either a weekly assessment or once for the whole class. There were hardly any papers and the only in depth written assignments were the discussions and a journal for each class which was the same 3 questions pertaining to each class.

This new class requires a 1,000 word paper each week as well as a ton of reading assignments and the discussion board. It doesn't look like there are any tests though which is a plus. The biggest negative of all though? I have to do 5 weeks of volunteer work and write yet another paper on it. I probably just sounded like a huge ass referring to volunteer work as a negative but let me explain.

This class has screwed up my plan for this year. I had a plan to get a job so that we can save all of the money I make to put towards our move and a new house. Now that I have a glimpse of what this class is going to demand of me work seems impossible. If I didn't have a daughter, totally doable. But she makes it impossible to get anything done as long as she is awake so that leaves me maybe 2 hours (non consecutive) during the day, after about 8 or 9pm, and some time on the weekends if Jon decides to babysit to get things accomplished. If I add a job into that schedule I am eliminating the 2 hours during the day, possibly weekend days all together depending on the job, and slimming down the amount of time I'll be able to stay awake at night to do things. So where would volunteer work fit in? I would have to give up the idea of working all together. Unless I found a job that didn't require weekends which would then allow me to spend 5 weekends volunteering instead of with my family or doing classwork or making money. You see my dilemma?

All I can think about right now is that I need more hours and less kid during the day. This is the reason why people finish their degrees before they get married and have children. Because life gets complicated after that. And the worst part? This is my bachelor's degree. Not even my masters. I feel like you can't do anything unless you have a master's these days. Jon is planning on EASing in February. He has a technical degree so he has to go back to school leaving me to be the sole income provider minus the housing allowance while he is in school. That means I have to get a pretty damn good job with benefits. So I will have to continue and get my master's too.

Want to hear the actual worst part? I don't even like what I'm getting my degree in. Which is business by the way. I know what I want to do and that's become a sonographer so I can do ultrasounds. I can't do that without an associates in it which I can't do online. I can once I get to Charlotte but Jon is going back to school first.

I seriously want to bash my head against a wall. I feel like I like in this ridiculous maze or something. No matter which route looks good it leads no where.

I'm stressed out, scared, and nervous. I've already cried but I still feel like I'm one more obstacle from my breaking point. I need a break.