This year has been...

I don't really know how to describe 2011. The beginning was incredible. My husband was home, we were preparing for the arrival of our first child and then we got to meet our little angel. Then 2011 decided to change. I honestly forget that this year has even happened most of the time. It feels like a huge blur.
People will ask me how long I've been married and I will quickly respond with just over a year, until I take a second to think about it and realize in just a short few days with will be 2 years.
Something about a year long deployment makes me erase the days from my memory. Must be the lack of husband.
BUT when I take the time to look back on everything this year was pretty awesome. I became a mother afterall. How awesome is that right? I got to watch the most amazing little girl grow and learn. I am so thankful to have my family here to enjoy her as well but I think it also might have been a hold back. I feel like I haven't ever had to take care of Abigail alone because I never had to be alone. Someone was always there to help out. I guess in a normal life I wouldn't be alone anyways because my husband would be there but this is different. I'm almost a little bit nervous to move back to NC because I've had my family to lean on. But I'm ready to prove I don't need them and that I didn't move back so they could do my job I just simply wanted them to have time with her. But when you get a bunch of grandparents around you pretty much don't have a job anymore except diaper duty.
Needless to say (why do people say this? It's obvious in the following statement that it's needless to say...) I am ready to ring in the new year. 2012 should be an incredible year. I get to welcome my husband home  after a year without him. Our daughter will turn one! We will be planning our next move. So may exciting things to come!

My new years resolutions? I normally don't bother with these things but I have 2 things that I feel like I need to promise myself. ONE: I will start running. As soon as I get to NC I plan on getting a jogging stroller and running every single day. TWO: I will prove to myself that I am an awesome mom that can do this without my family to lean on. Not that I don't appreciate everyone because I do! I just need to be a mom instead of feeling like a group daycare.

So adios 2011! It's been interesting.

Deeper meaning

I am the luckiest girl in the world. I not only have an incredible husband who loves me unconditionally but with that I've gained an incredible family. My in laws and my husband have really molded me into the person I am becoming. Well actually it's my faith in God but they are the ones who have been incredible examples leading me towards Him.

My point here is that my entire life (I know I know a whole whopping 20 something years) I have felt rather lost. Without a purpose to path. I used to tell people that I thought I was going to die young because I couldn't see a real future for myself. Not that I wanted to die young but just that I couldn't imagine myself past high school no matter how hard I tried.

My husband and I had an extremely rocky path. We were off and on more times than the bathroom light. I treated him horribly and there were times when he treated me exactly how I would have treated me to. We broke up for a while and dated other people but we always found our way back to one another. It wasn't until the last time we broke up that I realized how important he was to me and just how much I truly loved him.

From that moment I've tried to become a better person. The best version of myself I could possibly be. Someone that he deserved to spend the rest of his life with. I'll admit that I've slipped up. But through those low moments I've soared. Those moments pushed me to where I am now and where I constantly work towards being.

There is always a deeper meaning behind everything bad in your life. If you are suffering it's only to teach you something. I am constantly striving to hold back from complaining and instead trying to figure out the purpose. Whenever I'm stuck in traffic I hold back from cursing and instead thank God that I wasn't the person in the accident.

I was told a story today about a family who had lost their son during the war in the beginning of last year. Just recently they lost their house to a fire. Along with the house was everything that belonged to their son except the flag that was presented to them at his funeral. At first I felt sorrow. But quickly the tears turned into a smile. I realized what God was doing, or at least what I would put my faith in. God is trying to reach out to them in saying that material things aren't what makes their son live on. Instead it's the memories and their love for him.

I am so thankful that I have such a glorious God to guide my life. He gives us comfort when we need it, strength when we feel like giving up, and courage to know that he has bigger plans for us.

So I will make my promise known. I promise to live my life with a positive outlook. I promise to always put my faith in things falling apart so that better things can come together.

Been a little mia

I've been preoccupied lately. I don't even remember the last time I wrote on here. I think maybe about it being December so that's pretty bad.

My nana passed away just a few days ago. She was 87. She was my great grandmother so my daughter's great great grandmother. Before she died she asked for Abigail. When I brought her to see her Abigail reached right out for her and held her hand. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Nana perked right up and spoke so clearly to her. Something she hadn't been able to do for a while.
I unfortunately wasn't incredibly close with my nana. I mean that in the fact that I didn't spend enough time with her. She only lived down the street so I should have been there at least once a day, but I wasn't.
For this reason her death wasn't what hurt the most. What really broke me apart was watching my grandmother watch her mother die. Ooma (what I call my grandmother) is an extremely important part of my life. I love her beyond words and since I've been home we have barely spent a day apart.
When I watched my cousins and my mom cry because of my nana's death I realized that they were in so much more pain than I was. They were closer with her than I was. She was their grandmother.
You don't know my Ooma but let me tell you something about her. She's tough. She's the strongest person I know. She has lived a hard life and still the only time I have ever seen her cry is when I moved to NC or she had to leave my house and say goodbye.
So when I answered her phone call and heard the words she's gone from a voice full of tears and heartbreak I couldn't help but break down.
I never want to feel the heartbreak of losing someone irreplaceable from your life. Going through this deployment I have obviously thought about the worst outcome. It makes my heart tighten up and brings tears to my eyes. Then having to grieve the loss of my nana and realize that my grandmother wouldn't really live forever really made death hit home.
I know that she is in heaven. I know that we have to let our loved ones go. But damn it's such a hard realization that you only get so much time with the ones you love.

Let's play Catch up

As you know we got our house. That's a huge stress I no longer have to deal with. Instead now I can worry about every aspect of moving such as what size uhaul, who's coming with me, what I'm taking with me, what I need to buy once I'm down there, and expenses.
The what I need to buy when I'm down there list is quite hefty. We sold all of our furniture before I moved because we didn't want to pay to store furniture we didn't even like. So, now I have the bittersweet task of buying a new mattress, living room set, washer and dryer. Plus, depending on our closet situation (as in I have no idea if our bedroom has a closet or not) we might need bedroom furniture. But bedroom furniture can wait until after my lover man comes home because frankly, that means it's one less thing I have to worry about.
I've got a $5,000 moving budget. As in that needs to cover the uhaul rental, gas, hotels, furniture and appliances. I'm only spending like $400 max on the uhaul. The gas should total to about $300 on the way down (between my car and truck). The hotel can be about $70-80 with the dog. That leaves about $4,200 for furniture and such. I'm a lejeuneyardsales fanatic so you can bet your butt that I will get everything accomplished and still have money left over.
I'm so excited to move back. Moving back is the final stage of this deployment. That's why it's hard not to move back asap. Thankfully our house isn't even available until January 3rd. I'm hoping to get down there toward the end of January. I want to soak up as much time with my family as possible. It's already proving to be difficult though. Once January 3rd comes around it's going to be an all out war of emotions for me. Should I stay or should I go? If you didn't sing that line in your head then your favorite song is probably something by justin beiber and I feel sorry for you.

Anyways, I've got less than 20% of this bad boy left. I can't believe how fast it's gone. It's all so exciting now! I just have to get to the 23rd which is my last day of work. Then enjoy Christmas and new years, survive our 2 year wedding anniversary by my lonesome, and then it's just a matter of when I decide to pack up and go!

WAHOOO!!

I'm not going to end this with a wahoo. Instead here are some catch up pictures of my little pumpkin butt.

                                                

It's December!!!

This is my last full month in NY!! Next month I move back to NC!! I am so excited. This deployment is finally dwindling down. It feels so good. I can't wait to have the love of my life home with me :-)

Moving Questions

Ok I need some advice and suggestions.

When I move I'm doing it on my own. I want to know what my best option is.

I need about the size of a 10" Uhaul truck. Probably even less. They have a ubox which they transport themselves which would be nice.

I have a car that can't tow anything so one of the towing trailers isn't possible.

What is the best bet for the best price?

We got the house!

Yes, we got it! I feel like a million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders. I'm so relieved to finally have a place back in Jacksonville so I know I can leave when I have to. I will admit I'm having buyers remorse. Not that we bought we rented but I don't know if there is a term for that. Anyways, it's probably because I didn't physically see this house I just pictures. But I went with my gut. Also, this place is in a completely different town than last time. All the way on the other side of base, actually in jacksonville. More towards New River. So needless to say, it will be different. But I'm hoping a good different.

So anywho.... Yay!